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Previous Content
Archive Commentary
Memorial Day
Memorial Day passed yesterday, but I wanted to give just a few words here in deference to this national holiday, and the service-members and families to whom it is dedicated.
The holiday of Memorial Day has been a day of remembrance that was first observed in many local communities all the way back to the late 1800s as a way of honoring those who had died in service to the United States. It has a varied history in the date and groups honored by the holiday. Originally called Decoration Day by many communities - in reference to the decoration of gravesites of fallen soldiers - Memorial Day was first recognized as a national holiday in 1967. Since then, the date has been slid for the 'official' holiday to Mondays, to allow for a three-day weekend for American workers. The Veterans of Foreign Wars has lobbied for the date of the holiday to be fixed on May 30th, as had been long-standing tradition, and to detach the day of remembrance from the convenience of time off for Americans.
Regrettably, for most people Memorial Day means just that - an extra day off from work. It means a trip to the beach for some families, or a picnic and a barbecue. It primarily means the 'beginning of summer' to most Americans. The Indianapolis 500 being run on this date has been an ancillary tradition for almost 100 years. Sadly, all these commonplace associations essentially misplace the 'remembrance' part of the day and trivialize it, as most battles and wars, and those fallen in such, are often lost in our national memories. Regardless one's sentiments on the military, war, combat, or political or religious affiliation, Memorial Day is and should be in the hearts and minds of all Americans, remembrance and honor to those that have given and sacrificed what we have not.
With this in mind, as a veteran myself, I wish to extend my sincere honor, gratitude and metaphorical decoration to all those that have passed in their service to America. I give my thanks, appreciation and condolence to the service-members, and their families, past and present, for their sacrifice to all of us, both the United States and all countries across the world.
Although there are thousands and thousands of the brave soldiers, airmen, seamen, and marines that have lost their lives across many wars in our history as a nation, I wish to render my honor and give remembrance to a few of the distinguished, and at times forgotten, members of this group of the highest order. There are many that are not listed here, and I beg forgiveness in not mentioning all those so exceedingly deserving of honor and heraldry.
I render my honor and respect to all the war dead of one of the saddest periods in our national history, the Civil War.
I give my honor and respect to those fallen heroes of WWI, going to the aid of a divided Europe. Years spent in trenches, suffering the awful new methods of 'modern' warfare of the time, far from home, thousands never returning home to their country and family.
I bow my head in acknowledgment and honor to the thousands and thousand of those who passed in WWII, again- giving their lives for peoples and countries far, far from our shores. Although we have sad highlights of many significant conflicts and battles locked in our national consciousness - D-Day, Pearl Harbor, etc. - I wish to give special dedication to many of the largely forgotten: The brave members of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team, the most highly decorated military unit in our countries history - some 14,000 awards, with 21 Medals of Honor, who fought and died in the Pacific Theater of the Second World War. Those lost to their families and our country in the Bataan Death March. Some 75,000 soldiers began this horrific trial, and 30,000 were lost. There are thousands more, but we should remember and honor them all.
I kneel and honor the fallen comrades of the Korean War, often forgotten, in a war in a far-off land, so many of them never to return. The number of our war dead has never accurately been established, but so many went to a cold and inhospitable place, and did not return. Many of us are familiar with Heartbreak Ridge and Porkchop Hill, but we don't know of the Battles of Incheon, Uijeongbu, Pusan, or the Chosin Reservoir. 40,000 of our countrymen were lost to us in this war, and we should remember and honor all of them.
I give my respects, admiration, and most heartfelt thoughts to those of ours - brothers, fathers, sons, friends and family - that never returned from Vietnam. For the most part, the Vietnam War is a period of our national history that has been blotted from memory. I give - as we all should - my respect and honor to those that went and served, again- far from their country, homes, family, and friends. I render my thanks, my appreciation, my metaphorical decoration to those that never returned, giving their lives in battle or lost to us as POWs. You are not forgotten in my heart, or the many of us that know and appreciate your sacrifice.
To all those stalwart service-members that have passed in recent years - Afghanistan, Iraq, and in forgotten places that don't make the news or aren't familiar to us - I honor you for your service, your sacrifice, and what you gave for those of us at home. Your giving and dedication is fresh in our memories, as this is the way of things in our time, but you will not be forgotten, and I give my thanks and remembrance to you this day, and will for all those yet ahead.
In memoriam, to all of you, both of our historical past and recent times, I give you my thanks. My appreciation. The honor that I can humbly bestow. To the family and friends of all those who gave their lives in service to our country, I support you, and render my condolences.
-AP
Memorial Day 2008
Sports 'Reporting'
The Ironic Fistfight that is Journalism vs. Blogging
For those of you that follow this column, you know that I don't watch the news any more. Actually, I avoid it like the plague. I used to follow the media quite closely as a function of my job, but when that was no longer a necessity, I came to the realization that the only thing the news did for me was increase my stress level and piss me off. Thus I keep politics, religion, and any other issue that people are pretty set on anyways, out of this magazine. Nevertheless, I hope we continue to provide a very interesting and provocative product for your interest.
With all this in mind, I often write about sports and such, which is a good proxy for some issues without being too polarizing. I don't follow any sport too closely, other than the box scores and performance of my two sons in their junior leagues. But I do catch some interesting stuff as I flip through the channels looking for material to cover across the pages of Alpha Dad. It was on one of these channel-surfing excursions that I ran across an episode of Costas Now, a serial that covers a wide variety of sports issues by host Bob Costas, a well-known and accomplished sportscaster.
In the interest of not boring you here, but trying to present the central theme to this piece of commentary, allow me to set the scene of the segment I watched on Costas: Costas was the moderator for a panel, set in town hall-style before a live audience, discussing the issue of sports blogs on the web vs. mainstream sports reporting. The panel members for the discussion were: Will Leitch, editor of the most popular independent sports blog on the internet, Deadspin (10 million hits per month); H.G. "Buzz" Bissinger, an 'esteemed' and established writer and winner of a Pulitzer Prize and author of the popular sports title Friday Night Lights (now a weekly serial); and Braylon Edwards, wide receiver for the Cleveland Browns.
An additional piece of background that's pertinent here on each of the panel: Leitch attended the University of Illinois Urbana, where he was an editor on the school newspaper, the Daily Illini. Bissinger attended Phillips Academy (also known as Andover), an exclusive co-ed private preparatory high school, notably the alma mater of both Bush presidents, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, Dr. Benjamin Spock, Humphrey Bogart, Oliver Wendell Holmes, et al; graduated from the Ivy League University of Pennsylvania, where he was the sports editor of the university paper; and received the Nieman Fellowship at Harvard University. Edwards attended the University of Michigan, where he was a record-setting standout receiver, and was selected 3rd overall in the 2005 NFL draft.
All those points on the academic biographies of each are pertinent as I hope you gather in this missive: regular guy state school graduate; privileged graduate of one of the most exclusive preparatory schools in the nation, a top tier Ivy League university, and Harvard fellowship winner; exceptional athlete who attended one of the best public universities in the nation.
But with our players set, back to our story: the Costas segment was (ostensibly) an analysis of sports blogs vs. mainstream sports reporting. Leitch was immediately brought to the altar for his pending sacrifice before the crowd. He gave short detail on his take on the positives of sports blogs. On Deadspin, he outright notes his bias in favor of the St. Louis Cardinals, as well as remarking on the Deadspin tagline- declares 'Sports news without access, favor or discretion.' Gee- some honesty on bias and slant on the reporting. Obviously as editor of the most popular sports blog on the web, Leitch is a proponent of this type of 'reporting' and media, and made argument to this effect.
After Leitch was politely given a moment to arrange his neck on the metaphorical chopping block, Costas then let the esteemed Buzz Bissinger have his moment in the TV sun. As a Pulitzer Prize winner and accomplished mainstream sports writer and author, it would be reasonable to assume he had come to defend the immemorial institution of sports reporting in the classic sense- newspaper columns, television, and radio. Well- the erudite Mr. Bissinger took no pause whatsoever in coming off the top rope onto the now-prostrate Leitch. A sampling of the incredibly vitriolic invective that Bissinger began to assail Leitch with:
"You're full of S."
"Blogging is about cruelty, journalistic dishonesty, and speed."
"... pisses the S out of me."
"... is the dumbing down of society..."
"[that sports blogging tries to make the point that all athletes do is-] ... party and F around."
"[on commentary found on Leitch's blog-] ... that's so F'ing clever."
Quite educated and a reasonable polemic for the ostensible favorability of mainstream sports reporting over web blogging, don't you think? More like a hate-fueled diatribe.
I hope I sufficiently laid out the scene for this piece of TV theater- old school upscale and 'respected' sports journalism balanced against wildly (increasingly) populist pontificating and commentary by the common-man reporter. Furthermore, I hope the mind-bending and incredible irony is crystal clear without requiring my further explanation.
However, let's drill it down- according to the old guard in sports journalism, sports blogs are S, and the great stuff that the mainstream brings us is the gospel as far as sports are concerned. All presented with access, facts, and 'real' reporting. Authoritative and respectable in the literary sense. Counter this with the beer-chugging sophomoric rumor-mongering as the only thing that regular guys without that golden ticket - the 'press pass' - and 'access' can provide for the sports-devouring public.
With the hallowed Mr. Bissinger as your spokesman, the 'good old journalist school' has utterly failed to give me any desire to tune in to your (mountainous glut) of columns, TV and radio shows. Quite the contrary, Bissinger showed himself to be the spitting, snarling 'cruel' asshole that I have come to find in the average sports 'journalist.'
Interestingly enough, Edwards was the voice of reason, giving his comments after Bissinger was allowed his hate-fest on Leitch. Edwards admitted - and remarked that many athletes did the same - to checking the blogs every once in a while, to get a feel on what fans thought. What the mood and tenor on his performance was. But in the end, taking it all with a grain of salt; it's good to know, but at the end of the day (or proverbial game) it didn't affect his performance. Put a run in the score column for blogging- one of the biggest stars in the NFL didn't put his foot on the opinion-driven blogging neck. Bissinger didn't rise out of his seat, indignant and irate at this admission. What could he say? "You, Superstar- you're an idiot because you actually read that S!"
Of further note is Bissinger's conveniently leaving out the overwhelming fact that even traditional sports reporting has become iconic in 'gotcha' journalism. You're just another face in the crowd, notebook in hand, clamoring to stick your microphone in the face of the mega-millionaire athlete, to get the sensational knee-jerk answer to your inflammatory question. 'Gotcha! I just made a name for myself on your back, and now I'm headed for the big-time.'
Again- Bissinger covers one eye in leaving out the incredibly obnoxious, 'cruel' and negative peers of his 'established' journalistic profession. There is a whole blog-full (pun) of mainstream sports reporters, most appearing on the monolith and Temple Mount of sports in America, ESPN, that have made their whole career and fame on being an asshole. Skip Bayless, a talking head on an ESPN morning daily program, consistently makes horrible and 'cruel' comments on athlete and team performance. Oh, wait- according to Bayless: "I don't consider myself negative, just honest. I just try to tell the truth, as I see it. In that way I'm something of a crusader, trying to give you your money's worth without buddying up to athletes or coaches or owners and selling out." Note to Bissinger- what a nice argument and supporting slogan for blogging.
And yes, that was my editorial emphasis to Bayless' quote. Crusader? Come on. There we have a nice example of the lofty, delusional self-concept of the traditional sports reporter.
Another nice example: If you're not a serious sports nut, or don't watch much ESPN, they have another asshole extraordinaire- Jim Rome. Rome prides himself on flaming callers, athletes, teams, etc., on his program. Of whence did Rome come? He was a run-of-the-mill sports reporter until he had his 'gotcha' moment: NFL quarterback Jim Everett appeared on Rome's show, this after Rome had repeatedly referred to Everett as 'Chris' - in a defamatory reference to Chris Evert, female tennis star. Rome had stated repeatedly prior to this appearance that (Jim) Everett had shied away from a hit during a game. In his attendance on Rome's show, Everett was pretty confrontational - understandably so - and challenged Rome to call him Chris to his face. Ahh- looking for that magic moment, all to be captured live on tape, Rome called Everett 'Chris' to his face. Upon which Everett jumped up, shoved a table out of the way, and knocked Rome to the floor. Bissinger failed to mention this wonderful Jerry Springer moment by one of his peers.
The list goes on and on, with 'sports journalists' capitalizing on rumor, negative comments, hate-speech, flaming athletes and teams alike, all to garner attention and fame - or 'infamy - for themselves and further their careers. All those things that Bissinger finds 'cruel' and 'dumbing down.'
Funny how the popularity - explosive to say the least - of online sports blogging is seen as childish and 'beneath' our esteemed purveyors of 'real' sports information. Granted, it's just a parallel to all things media - give the mob what they want, and if it gets ratings, no matter what it is, keep putting it on. And make it more sexy, spicy, controversial, hateful, whatever; just so long as it keeps people in front of the tube, reading the mags, or listening to the shows.
As a sideline ironic note: I find MMA to be my sport of choice where I spend most of my viewing time. I like it, and I know that many of the readers of Alpha Dad dig it, as well. Thus, our coverage and interesting pieces on the sport here (self-promo: Randy Couture interview; Tiger Muay Thai article) on Alpha Dad. When it was a sport that was still growing in popularity - now of epic proportion - but a sport nonetheless, if you only watched ESPN, read Sports Illustrated, or read any of the score of sports pubs, you wouldn't even know the thing existed. Not a word. Not a fight result. Not a single mention on the athletes, the sport, it's popularity. Except in the negative; to typify the sport as 'human cockfighting' and such. Sure- we got repeat coverage of bowling, billiards, women's basketball, even curling, on the 'Big Sport' outlets, but MMA was relegated to a standing about equal to drunken knife-fighting. But lo and behold- it's become a huge moneymaker. So now, after 10 years, you can get the latest fight results, read about your favorite fighter, see what the upcoming cards are, on virtually any of the aforementioned sports news outlets. How ironic.
Understand: in the essence of it, I could care less about sports blogging. Or the entirety of sports reporting in any form, 'legitimate' or not. I like to see who's won the latest pennant race, what team is currently #1, and who wins the national championship. I really dig college football, but I'm not going to throw myself off the bridge on Sunday next to the rabid fans who are absolutely despondent that their team got crushed on Saturday. As you (now) know, I like MMA and follow the sport and the fighters. But it doesn't change my day or how hard I work to be a good Alpha Dad. It's sport(s). Entertainment. I look at it as such: entertainment. I like it and catch what I want. Unfortunately for Mr. Bissinger, et al, I haven't changed my mind or feel any more compelled to get my sports 'news' from an Ivy League writer any more than I would a guy that writes a good column or perhaps spouts an opinion or two, negative or otherwise, that's in line with my own sentiments.
Oh, and as a personal note: If I had been Will Leitch, the esteemed Mr. Bissinger would have gotten a good punch in the mouth. MMA-style.
- AP
MAY08
Looking in the Mirror
A Few Things We Don’t Realize About Ourselves
And Some Man-Woman Stuff
If you did a little survey, and you asked 10 people if they consider themselves ‘givers’ or ‘takers,’ 9 out of 10 them would say – of course – that they’re ‘givers.’ This – of course – is not true. What?- Maybe 1 out of 10 could give that self-appraisal in truth?
Ostensibly, women dress to look attractive to men. However, in reality women actually dress for other women. Women like to hear a man say “you look great,” or “I like that dress.” But they didn’t buy that dress or put their look together based on what you think as a man. They dress, do their makeup, choose their perfume, etc., based on what other women think, or what they see other women wearing that they like. I actually had a significant other that wore a perfume I thought smelled like bug spray. At first, I tried to be polite about it. No- I didn’t go straight to the dangerous comment of ‘your perfume smells like bug spray.’ Being nice didn’t work. Even when I finally moved up to the bug spray comment – irrelevant. I even bought her perfume that I thought smelled nice. And no, it wasn’t some cheap crap; it was good, expensive perfume. Nope; no change. In the end, I got to smell bug spray every time she felt like wearing perfume. A lot of time women often think their perfume of choice smells nice, or that their friends will like it. But it smells like old ladies or... bug spray. Too bad. Get used to bug spray.
Men sometimes try their best to look attractive to the opposite sex. But most of the time we just screw this up, and only end up looking good to ourselves. Or basically we get together something that we feel comfortable in. Or that we’ve put together our wear in a way that our friends won’t make fun of us. Our significant others or female friends often try to remedy this by putting us in clothes that they think look good. Ahh- there’s the rub: put on something that she – or other unattached women, if you’re single - likes. However, given the chance, women will usually put us in something that our friends will ridicule us for, or that we do feel uncomfortable in. So both sexes should come to something in between – something that still looks pretty good to her, and doesn’t invite scorn from his pals.
For all of us: all those times you see a person in some awful outfit, pants, shoes, hat, t-shirt, whatever, and you think 'what the hell were they thinking???' be careful; that person could be you.
Narcissists never, ever, realize that they’re… narcissists. This is why there’s the word ‘narcissist.’ Try to avoid these people. And if at all possible don’t marry one.
I don’t know about you, but I find it insane that anyone – man or woman – would go to get their haircut by the gal that has dyed her hair purple, and expect that she’s going to make you look good. On the other hand- it’s hair. Even if a cut or styling comes out absolutely horrible- it’ll grow back.
Even if you really do know what you’re talking about, a lot of times people are just going to think you’re an ass. Keep this in mind when you’re trying to teach, explain, demonstrate or correct something.
Even though we constantly take a ragging on our ability to navigate – in cliché television snippets, comedies, commercials, magazines, books, etc. – most of the time we men do know where we’re going. Ladies - don’t be a pain in the ass and look for the ‘gotcha’ moment when we do screw it up. And guys, especially you Alpha Dads, if you don’t know where the hell you are, this is called being lost. Stop, ask for directions, backtrack, take the time to find where you are on the map; whatever. If enough of us don’t bite the bullet and act amenable to being corrected, or admit that we’re 'lost,' and correct it – in a hurry – then we all (men) end up looking like dumbasses.
If you work more hours than your boss does on a consistent basis, you have a crappy boss. This is an extremely difficult situation to get yourself out of, man or woman. Either suck it up, and take that S, or bow up and fix it. Don’t whine about it all the time and do nothing about it. I know, I know: easier said than done, but you have to do something, or you just stay stuck working all those hours while your boss is at home playing Xbox or sleeping.
This is going to sound stupid. Completely simple. However: if things don’t change, they just stay the same. See last maxim above, and consider every other crappy situation you can find yourself in; if you don’t take some inventive action, actually do something - either in thought or deed - things just stay the same. And crappy is a state of being that is resistant to change.
Hurry up and have some fun. There is a reason that word exists in the dictionary. For you younger guys: pretty soon you’re going to come to a harsh realization- the best years of your life are behind you. Better work hard now so that you have some cool, fun, exciting stuff to look back on. Or you just end up realizing that your best years are behind you, and they pretty much sucked.
When you see someone trip, drop something, say something stupid, or have an awkward moment, just remember before you laugh: the next time you do one of those things, it’s a pretty sure bet that someone will see you do it. Hopefully that someone will be kind enough not to laugh at you and make you feel like a complete ass. Pay it forward and give them a break.
Being 'on your best behavior' on a first date or early in a relationship is a farce. Nothing worse than meeting someone new, and a month later their head spins around and they show their true asshole side. And you think: "where the hell did that come from?" Wouldn't you rather someone showed themselves to be just who they are, and what you get at the beginning is just how they are? The converse of this is: do not get on that high-horse of 'well- this is how I am, so deal with it.' Remember- every time you meet someone new, you get the chance to be whatever way you like. If you stick with being an asshole, if that's been your M.O., then guess what?- People are going to keep on thinking you're an asshole. If you're tired of everyone thinking you're an asshole, then not only grow up and be good to the friends you have/people you know, you get a fresh slate with the new ones. You can build on that.
Sometimes, even when you think you're being magnanimous or generous, you're not. If you have any doubt at all, pay someone more, give more, be nicer, tip higher than you were going to. Give until it pisses you off, and you've probably hit it about right.
When you're in someone else's car, it's their car; they get to listen to whatever music they like. They probably think your music is crap, too. So when you're doing the driving, you get to pick the songs. Pretty much the same thing with the volume.
A trap we all fall into- when we buy a present for someone else, a lot of times we're buying a present for ourselves. Sure we start out thinking 'boy- they would like that.' But get real; a lot of times it's just something we'd like. We just pick out something we think looks good - usually in a color that we like, or think they would look good in - or something that we like to do, use, or want for ourselves. Note to self- get that other person something that they'd like. In the color they like. In a style they like. Some gadget they want, not something you wish you had. A movie or book they'd like to check out. Think about it- if you consider this, it almost feels disappointing to imagine getting a present for someone that you don't really like, or something that you think is ugly, frivolous or not useful. Tough S. It's for them. Get them what they want.
Unfortunately, when dealing with an ex-anything, man or woman, if they're a self-absorbed petulant pain in the ass, it's pretty much always going to be like dealing with a teenage brat. I haven't figured the way out of that one yet. I sure do know lots of people, men and women, that are pretty darn stuck in that situation, with not much chance of any improvement to the situation. If you figure out a good solution to this one, please let me know; I'm all ears.
I wish I was younger, slimmer, funnier, richer, faster, smarter, stronger, handsomer. Tough S. It is what it is. Hopefully I’ve been a good man, a great person, and all that other stuff is just me wishing and whining.
Have I forgotten something? Of course I have. Send in what you know I missed, and if it’s worth a crap, I’ll post it here.
- AP
MAY08
Reality TV - Part II
An Ode to Cameramen
The unsung hero. The guy that pretty much does all the scary dangerous stuff just like the star, but you never see him and he never gets the credit. Or celebrity, pay, or recognition. Do you ever consider that every time you see some reality-TV personality doing something dangerous, high-risk, or within biting distance of some vicious animal, that there’s a cameraman filming all the action? Every time the star is hiking up some frightening rocky path on the side of a mountain – where a misstep would mean a long roll to the bottom ending in death – he is typically talking into the camera, extolling how dangerous it is. And there’s a cameraman that had to go up the path first, not only braving the path, but carrying the camera and gear.
The star makes a big point to the audience of how incredibly risky and dangerous all his feats and actions are. And the camera guy is right there next to him, filming it all. All those long vistas and shots of the jeeps driving across the dunes, the camera guy is there first, filming the star and entourage. Horrible cold, snow and ice, with the star rappelling down into the bowels of a cavern, the cameraman was there first. The deckhands freezing and facing serious danger on the Bering Sea, and there’s a cameraman right next to them, worried about getting swept overboard or getting cracked in the head with the machinery. When our narrator and on-air talent is swimming with sharks, there’s the guy holding the camera taking down all the action.
As far as I know, there’s only one guy that does all his own reality stuff, as well as the camera work- Les Stroud, Survivorman. And he makes large point sometimes of how difficult it is to set the camera up, take the vista shots, and then have to go back and collect the gear. I like his show, and if nothing else, I have a lot of respect for him in doing the whole thing – being out in the sticks, showing the techniques, and filming it all himself. He tells us how hard it is, and so at times we get a greater appreciation for the difficult – and often just as dangerous – work that the camera guys do.
So thanks, cameraman. If we don’t sit through the credits and catch your line, we don’t even know your name. We rarely, if ever, see your face. And it’s a certainty that you make a fraction that the star does. We enjoy your work, respect your dedication and operating under difficult circumstances with as much risk as the more famous faces we see. Keep up the good work, and know that at least some of us give you kudos.
'Reality' TV - Part I
I have taken to watching a lot of more informative,
scientific, and historical programs on TV. I have honed down my viewing
time, as it seems that these kinds of shows are more interesting and
useful than most of the stuff out there. There are now enough networks
with a variety of programming that you can catch something good any time
of the day- National Geographic Channel, Discovery Channel, The Science
Channel, The History Channel, The Military Channel. That’s a lot of
channels, I know. And for all that programming- let’s call them science
shows, for short. That, and we’ll get into the ‘reality’ stuff in a bit.
Before they really started to gain steam in cable programming, most of
the science shows were pretty boring, and didn’t have a lot of different
or creative stuff in their lineup. Then they started gaining some
headway, and were able to offer more interesting and engaging programs
about a wide range of subjects. Dirty jobs, big stuff, cool engineering
stuff, astronomy explanations, how things are made, etc. Programming
execs had found their new gold mine.
But then - and it has seemed to be in the last year or so – like
everything else, most of the programs have transmogrified into… just
more hyped media. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still pretty good stuff,
and you can learn a lot and really enjoy the some of the shows. But for
the most part, they’ve gone down the road of commercialism, and a lot
the stuff is just kind of fluffy in slick packaging. That, and they have
taken to appealing to our baser fears; lots of disaster shows, ‘what if’
prognosticating (with catastrophe or disaster as the subject), vicious
and dangerous animals, and making everything done on every program seem
hard and amazing.
It wasn’t long before we came to realize that we were being scammed.
First biggie to be exposed- Man Vs. Wild. Bear Grylls, a fraud and a lot
of his stuff is staged. Other shows with staged scenes, particularly
when there’s wild animals involved. The list will grow, I’m sure, with a
sophisticated viewership, and the internet as the huge open expo that’ll
bring it to light for us.
‘Reality TV’ will be discussed in coming segments of this commentary
series, but in this opening opinion, I wanted to relate a rather ironic
and (darkly) humorous event that was on recently:
On one of the science shows, there was a feature about whales. They were
detailing the migration of grey whales, and the pack behavior of killer
whales. What a fortuitous mix for the producers of such programming-
wonderful sea mammals, both of them, but one species a large and sweet
animal, the other a calculating apex predator – both mixed in the same
show. A recipe for sensationalism and just the kind of stuff media
executives pray for every day.
The premise of the program was simple- tracking grey whales, making
their way up the California coast to their annual feeding grounds in the
Pacific off the coast of North America. Just off Monterey, CA, there is
a deep-water trench that runs almost all the way up to the shoreline.
Enter the killer whale packs. The killer whales are unable to hunt
effectively in shallow water, owing to their prey location methods, and
how they execute the hunt as a pack. This makes the aforementioned
trench a great hunting ground for the killer whales.
Insert the group of happy day cruise whale watchers, looking for whales
and close to the Monterey coastline. There are many professional cruise
charters that take tourists around the bay to whale-watch, as this
particular area is full of the animals and the likelihood of seeing some
is pretty good. The narration for the show gave comments by the whale
watchers, and how eager they were to see the animals. One woman remarked
how she had waited all her life to see the killer whales in their
environment, and it was the trip of a lifetime she had sought.
The captain of our cruise sees a pack of Orcas in the distance, and
races the boat over for the tourists to see the object of their search.
As they approached, they saw a slew of black and white whales were
surfacing over and over. Here’s where our story turns dark (and
sensational). It was quickly apparent that the reason the killer whales
were gathered in a pack is that they were hunting and attempting to take
down a mother grey whale and her calf. Well- to kill the greys and eat
them. The killer whales were using their effective hunting methods as a
pack, having successfully found their prey over the deep water part of
the bay. The black and whites were ramming the mother grey and the calf
over and over, attempting to separate the calk from its parent.
Mix in numerous angles, live video shot by one of the whale watchers,
and much commentary, and you get the overall gist of the show. Here is
the, well- crazy part – the whale watchers were repulsed by the scene.
Cut to numerous shots of the tourists covering their eyes, looking sad,
pulling their children to them. It wasn’t until about ¾ of the way
through the program that I noticed that virtually all the footage of the
tourists was reenactment. Long miserable looks and distressed children,
pulling on our heartstrings. Why do I call this the crazy part? Here
were ‘reality’ tourists, looking to see animals in their natural
environment, and what did they get- a great opportunity to see… animals
in their natural environment. But – gasp – what were the whales doing???
They were acting naturally. The greys trying to make their migration and
the killer whales… eating. Pretty simple natural stuff. And our mournful
tourists, having found exactly what they had paid to see, found this
repugnant and weren’t able to stomach the ‘reality’ of it. That animals
should kill each other to eat and survive was too much for them to
handle.
How ironic- paying tourists spend a day out on a boat, looking for
killer whales at home in the sea, they find the object of their desire,
and are completely turned off and sickened by it. As if a grown-up to a
child: what did you expect? I see- we want to see the killer whales, but
we want to see them on our terms. Intelligent, collective pack animals
that are beautiful and make us feel warm and special to catch them at
work and play in the ocean. Oh- we left out the part that they are an
apex predator and hunt to eat. Why are they called killer whales?
It’s as ridiculous as paying to see porno, and being shocked that you
see people having sex. This is the sad part of ‘reality’ TV. Yes, it’s
‘real,’ but we get played, and it gets turned into a sob story about the
‘beautiful creatures’ just trying to make it home to spawn, and the
awful conniving pack of nasty killers out to eat them. On the killer
whales: we had pretty much the same sentiment about wolves, lions,
mountain lions, bears, cougars – anything that hunted as their means of
survival – and we… all but wiped them out to satisfy our expansion of
civilization and our fear of predators of other species. Ironic,
don't you think?
If you don’t find this ridiculous and absurd, I sure do.
We’ll get on to the other ‘reality’ shows in coming
commentary, and how bankrupt those programs are with regard to
‘reality.’
Oh- and those poor beautiful grey whales in the show– protective mother
and innocent calf – they got away from those mean killer whales and
continued on their journey north.
-AP
JAN 08
End-Zone Histrionics
In a way, thankfully it's the end of football season. I say this, because I was moved to shout at the set all season:
Please- just stop! Really.
There’s just nothing worse - and that lies completely counter to what I
try to teach my sons – the end-zone dance. Sorry- not just the end-zone
dance; the jumping up and making a complete self-aggrandizing spectacle
of yourself for doing the simplest things in the middle of the game. Or
being as disrespectful as possible to opposing players when you have a
momentary flash of athletic superiority.
It’s the worst in football, but it has crept into other sports as well.
But in football it has become an egregious distraction, and a continuous
reminder of the coarsening of American culture.
I know this seems like a strange subject to address, but it has risen
to such a level of narcissistic display that I find it difficult to
enjoy a simple game of football, both at the college and professional
levels. If you have a television, you’ve seen it. And it’s disgusting.
Make a sack, you jump up, stutter-step, and raise your arms to the Roman
mob for your demanded adulation. Intercept a ball, and at the finish of
the play you have to do some sort of jig. Catch a long pass where you
beat your man badly, you spend the last ten yards goose-stepping into
the end-zone, looking back at your cover-man, hand to your head as you
showboat your finish. And God help us when a touchdown is scored –
because it has become a spectacle on every score now – we get treated to a
series of gyrating and self-congratulatory moves. A choreography that
have obviously practiced a number of times in the mirror in anticipation
of that moment.
The perverse part of all this is the self-congratulatory aspect of the
whole act- players wrap up a play, or swoon over their accomplishment in
scoring, to make grand spectacle of… exactly what they get paid to
do. Even at the college level, virtually every player on the
field is getting 'paid' to play- free tuition, free food, free housing,
free books – all of it – to... play football. At the professional
level, all players get paid, usually millions and millions, to just...
play. And not only play, but play well.
Exceptionally well. To a level that warrants millions and
millions of dollars in salary.
Ironically, I don’t see sufficient
contrition from players when they utterly fail, sometimes play after
play, in doing, again, exactly what they get paid to do. Smiling, high-fiving,
and blowing it off, like they didn’t completely fall short on their
required task. And it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a college
campus, but as I remember it, pretty much every athlete on any of the
big three rosters (baseball, football, basketball) was the most
arrogant, self-absorbed ass you could have the misfortune to run across
in your day at classes. Funny how they never seem to feel any shame on
Mondays, whether they played abysmally or their team got crushed.
I’m tired of it, as I’m sure most of the readership here is. To be
honest, I don’t know what can be done to take it out of the game. It was
out by NCAA rules for a while, but here it is now. It’s gotten so
tiresome and irritating (that’s putting it lightly) that when I see an
impending touchdown, I cut away to another channel. This is the only
thing I can see making any impact in making it against the rules again:
let advertisers know that viewers won’t be sticking around for those
commercial moments after every score. Perhaps if they bring their
enormous check-paying influence to bear on the leagues, demanding a stop
to it, then we’ll get rid of the dancing, gyrating, gesticulating, and
dance-stepping.
Acting like that is not elation, exuberance or celebration; it’s hubris. Which the dictionary defines as: excessive pride or self confidence; arrogance.
From my own experience on how it affects players in sports, all the way down to the youngest players in any sport- a true anecdote: My youngest son was playing in a basketball game, and he's actually pretty good. After scoring a basket, he did some sort of self-congratulatory moves. Know what Dad did?- I jumped down out of the stands, and ran down to the sideline and began a gyrating dance of my own. "Uhuh-uhuh-uhuh! That's my kid! Uhuh-uhuh-uhuh! That's my boy scoring!" The ex-wife was mortified, and many of the parents thought I had gone nuts, or was just another overly-involved arrogant parent. But guess what?- The son that thought he was too cool a moment ago saw his Dad making a spectacle of himself, at his expense. After the little 'chat' we had after the game, we don't have a problem with that crap any more.
My opinions may have little to no effect whatsoever on the actions of the million-dollar superstars or elite scholarship athletes, but for sure my kids don't get the big-head when they do just what they're supposed to when playing a sport. I hope you join me in my desire to remove these objectionable displays from sports.
-AP
JAN07
What the Hell Does That Mean?
[not an advice column]
A female friend of mine – a faithful
reader of Alpha Dad – sent me this article link and was adamant that I
should address it here in our magazine to give us Alpha Males some
insight and perspective on the women in our lives. Go take a quick look
before you read what follows. Yes, it is worth a moment of your time,
particularly if you’re married or in a relationship.
Go take a quick look at the article-
Link
My response:
We speak a different language. And it’s not that men are stupid, or that
women are wrong in how they talk or feel.
‘Comment c’est fait?’ Know what that means? If you speak French,
then you know it means ‘How it’s made.’ Know what ‘φέρτε την εφημερίδα,
παρακαλώ’ means? That one’s simple, if you speak Greek. Translation-
‘Bring the newspaper, please.’ It’s incredibly difficult – almost
impossible – to understand simple things if you don’t speak the same
language. We’re led to believe that since women and men grow up next to
each other, and both use English as our overall means of communication,
that we’re supposed to understand each other when we interact. If you
consider the logical implication of this, it’s not just the language
that we’re discussing, it’s also in the way we communicate.
Here are some simple differences:
In the language of men, we communicate in shorter thoughts and terms.
Not that we can’t express or understand complex thoughts, detailed
items, or literature, or poetry. Generally speaking, we just talk in
simpler terms. Because the communication that we've learned - and used
our whole lives - is built this way.
Example- “What’s up, Bob?” Answer- “Nothing much. You?” Reply- “Hurt my back training, but it’s feeling better.” “Great.”
That's pretty much it. We don't go off
into a question-and-answer session about the kids, the latest Dateline
episode we watched, or anything about anyone else in our circle of
friends. If anything like that gets mentioned, it's usually just
because we're being polite.
In general, women communicate differently from us. Boy, do they. And I’m
just guessing here, and interpreting as one who doesn’t speak a woman’s
language, but the key points I’ve gathered – after trying to understand
and decipher the language of women for a lifetime – is that toward the
beginning of a conversation women speak much more on ‘feeling’ or by
connotation. They then move into far deeper consideration of issues as
the discourse progresses, to fully explore every detail of the issue
from start to finish. This communication also often branches off to
(somewhat) related issues and ideas, which splinter off further into
tangential thoughts which, from a man’s perspective, are not at all
related to the starting point of discussion.
In all this, we – all of us, men and women – need to be
‘trained’ in how to interact and be around others. When dealing with our
friends of the same sex we get to know subjects we should stay away from
with some of our group, or who can be a pain in the ass to deal with at
times. Jeez- don’t ask Tom about his ex-wife, or Mike about work.
Somehow we miss that part when dealing with the opposite sex.
Both men and women make the same mistake. Women assume that men know
what they mean when they present an idea, or simply want to be
understood. And vice versa. Particularly for us men, not only are we
supposed to understand what's meant, if we miss the initial cue(s),
we’re supposed to catch up and get the whole gist of things or we’re in
the deep end of the pool rather quickly.
I could go on for pages and pages, and if I could make a compelling
explanation or crack the code I would be a best-selling author. Alas,
that’s not going to happen. So suffice to say:
Ladies, don’t get pissed at us when we don’t ‘get it.’ Just take a
little time and explain it, trying your best to frame things in a way
that we will understand. Don’t set us up for failure,
which seems to be a common trap set for us (men), particularly when
you’re frustrated with us, or looking for an exit from a relationship.
We’re not mind-readers, so give that up, and please don’t play that
maddening ‘I’m mad at you; keep guessing why until you get it’ game.
Men, particularly us Alpha Dads, and Alpha Males, as we run on a
particular logic, and want to get to the heart of things – and the
fixing – straight away: listen. Carefully. There are cues and subtleties
that women present up front, either directly through words or a telling
lack thereof. Be patient. Understand that women run on a
completely different logic than we do. As men, we can say or
think that women are ‘nuts’ or just don’t make any sense. But it’ll just
end up backfiring on you, particularly if you’re married or would even
like to have a relationship with a woman. Pretty much all women.
They have their own logic and way of communicating, and so do we. Never
the twain shall they meet. No changing their minds or way of doing
things; ours either. So- learn how to speak the language. Or at least
understand it, even if you can’t speak it. And when we’re talking, we
need to not get frustrated (and probably be an ass or just make the
situation worse). We should try to simply be patient and try to put it how
they’ll understand it. When things get heated – because I don’t
know a single Alpha Guy who doesn’t have the same problem with his
significant other – be genuinely patient and try to keep it on track. No
sense in taking it in the face, ‘winning’ an argument or being ‘right’
if you end up paying for it later.
If you’re noticing a common theme here in some of the commentary on this
page, I make no claim to having any corner on the market on how to do
things, or what is ‘right,’ particularly where it comes to women.
However, like I tell my friends when they do ask for 'advice,' I sure know
how to F some S up, so I can at least tell you what not to
do.
Note- This is not an advice column.
Just responding to a point made by a female friend who reads this mag.
Again- I have no great corner on the market of knowledge, but I’ve at
least tried to mention something that… seems to be a problem for us all.
-AP
DEC07
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